Dear Robin Hood

Dear Robin Hood, 

Are tights back in style?!?!? Because those are more balls then I ever wanted to see. If you're a performer I am glad that you are making it happen in this big city but damn dude save those tether balls for the playground. Put on some damn pants. I know it's the first day of spring but lets not get crazy! 

Sincerely, 

A fellow subway rider

Dearest Mover and Shaker

Dearest mover and shaker, 

I realize that that this train is crowded and thank you for having the decentcy to move to let others on the train. Your sheer gallantry and chivalry is admirable but um... Did you realize that your butt, or rather your booty is kind of perched on my shoulder? And I'm sure that in order to let people on the train you needed to "back that ass up" and out of the way but, no one asked you to back that ass up and perch it on my shoulder, and leave it there. Like for real I am starting to have a real space complex. And please, oh please god do not fart or I may loose my shit seriously. 

Sincerely, 

A fellow subway rider